Group Therapy
by idlyb
Summary: A fun little look in a group therapy session where Joker did his homework.


A/N I'm guilty, I threw in an OC, but just because I didn't want to throw any other psychiatrists out of character, really it's no big deal, I promise =]

Dr. Reed glanced up at the group spread out in front of her. Had she not known any better she would have assumed these were completely different people collected from completely different walks of life. In a way, this was true, but she knew better. They all had one common ground: Batman.

She also knew a bit about them personally from her one on one therapy. Dr. Jonathan Crane, tucked in a corner, had been bullied as a child, though to what extent she wasn't sure. She also knew he could be easily frightened, though he would have thrown a fit if he found out the doctors knew that. Next to him, Jervis Tetch sat glancing around aimlessly. She knew he was in love with a girl name Alice and all the rest couldn't be deciphered from his incessant quoting of Alice in Wonderland. Than there was Harvey Dent. She knew he still secretly read law books in his free time, even though Two-Face wasn't so pleased with it. Than there was Miss Quinzel, a former doctor herself. Try as she may, Dr. Reed couldn't get much out of her, since all she really seemed to be interested in was talking about her "puddin'". Speaking of which, he was positioned on her other side, looking quite perturbed, though that's what she expected. Quietly in the other corner was Arnold Wesker, a shy older-looking man who didn't speak much without a puppet. In his lap was an obscure looking sack of rags. Usually about half way through therapy he would pick him them up and everyone would see the front of a poorly put together puppet who would than express his feelings.

After leafing through her file one last time Dr. Reed looked up and smiled pleasantly at them.

"So, who wants to start about the cafeteria incident?"

Most of the group looked down in shame, with the exception of the smirking Joker and Harley, who seemed excited to be able to share a tale.

"Yes Harley, please start."

Harley sat up straight and cleared her thought. Someone on the other side of the room mumbled something about this being a long run. Harley only stuck her tongue out in that direction and began.

"Well you see, it all started three days ago. It was a day like most days. Puddin' and I had just entered the lunch room when out of the corner of my eye I saw some goon starting to try to tell some tale about how he 'saw the batman once.' We just ignored it and went to get our food. When we sat down everyone was already there except for Ivy, who was still in at the time. We started talking about some new guard when the guy I was tellin' ya about started getting reeeaaally loud. He kept saying stuff like 'Yeah, old bats ran away in a second when he saw us comin' and 'he knew he wouldn't have stood a chance against me.' Well most of us started laughing really loud because bats would never have run away from a buffoon like him. Well he decided to get all huffy about it so his friend decided to call across to us.

"He said, 'you're just mad because you can't get away from batman like ol' Rummy here can'. Red just walked over and she did not like this."

Harley sat up on the edge of her street, preparing for her Pamela impression. "She said, 'I'm SICK of you _men _always acting like you're so tough and trying to come up with half-witted stories because Batman got out of your fights to fight someone bigger and stronger.' Well this guy decided HE wanted to be tough too and started to get off.

"'Oh yeah, princess, like you've gotten any closer than this guy has?' and he pointed to his friend who was startin' to cower under the table. Naturally Ivy had to jump at him and punch him in his face, and that's how the riot started."

Harley sat back and smiled smugly as there was a slow, sarcastic clap from the other inmates.

Dr. Reed just stared curiously at the group who all seemed content with this story.

"Well that was… interesting. But now that we have that out of the way, has everyone… well anyone finished their essay?"

She stared around the group, who were averting their eyes. She sighed but glanced up as slowly The Joker began to raise his hand. The Doctor arched an eyebrow and looked at the man.

"So… Mr. Joker… you have a story to tell us?" He nodded. "Well than, stand up and share."

She looked over at the crown-covered papers (1) he pulled from under his seat. A week ago she had given an assignment to every one of them to write a story, using fictional characters, and make the good guy win. She hadn't bothered to hope that they would do it, least of all Joker.

The man stood up and stood next to the door, the guards shadow from outside blocking the light. He cleared his throat and held up his papers, preparing to read.

"I've decided to call this, Jokeman." He cleared his throat to add more emphasis. "When young Jokeman first entered the streets of… Frotham, he was met with much crime and grittiness. The city was a hell-hole. Everywhere there was sadness and despair." The Joker let out a small tear.

"So the young boy decided to dress up and start fighting crime. On his first night out he came across a woman who was screaming about being mugged. She was a pretty little number with blonde hair and blue eyes." At this he turned around and winked at Harley who gave a little squeal. "She yelled, 'Help! Someone has stolen my purse!' Not about to give off the chance to be a winy little show-off, Jokeman ran off in the direction of the robber. He cornered the man in an empty ally. The man turned around and appeared to be wearing a ridiculous looking mask made of cloth. 'Excuse me sir, who are you?' Jokeman yelled. 'Why, my name is Johnny Crow…'"

"EXCUSE ME!" Scarecrow yelled. "I am CLEARLY interjected in this story! You said to write fiction and…"

"Now now, Mr. Crane." Dr Reed said. "I'm sure it was just a coincidence." Jonathan leaned back into his seat in a huff.

"THANK you. Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Jokeman looked at him very confused. 'But sir, why do you wear such ridiculous headgear?' To this the man said, 'Why, to hide my hideous face. And so I won't have to breathe in my own tear gas."

"There is no way this is a coincidence! Am I the only one hearing this?"

"Jonathan, don't worry, I'm sure he's just drawing from real life experience" Jervis said, calmingly. Crane just grumbled more and crossed his arms in his seat.

"As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted, Jokeman gasped. 'What do you mean, fear gas?' The man laughed. 'Let me bring out my lovely assistant, the Angry Shirter.'" At this, Tetch perked up, worried about hearing what came next. "The man came over and gave Johnny a big kiss, a-"

"WHAT IS THIS RUBBISH?" Jervis shouted. "Why, he's just trying to bash us and call it fiction!"

"Now now, Mr. Tetch, please, I'm sure he wasn't directing any of this at you. It's just because of his sheltered life he has no one else to draw inspiration off of."

The two men in the corner glared at the Joker, who smiled sheepishly and kept on with his tale.

"And the two men turned to glare at Jokeman. He was not at all afraid, for they both looked like gay little sissy girls." He made a 'shh' sound as the two men tried to protest. "So the Jokeman easily killed them before they could throw their fear… I mean TEAR gas at him. He than grabbed the purse and walked back to the blonde." The Joker than changed his voice to a screechy falsetto. "'Why, Jokeman, you're so strong and masculine. Take me now!'" Now switching back: "And so Jokeman went back to her apartment and she started taking her-"

"Mr. Joker!" Dr. Reed exclaimed. "Please, why don't we keep this PG. How about we skip over this part?"

Disappointed, the Joker looked down at his paper sadly and than tossed out the next seven sheets of paper.

"He later learned her name was Sharley Tinn and she became his sexy sidekick, helping him in his quest too…" he twitched. "FIGHT crime and stop bad guys. One night he was walking down the street when he came across a sad and horribly disfigured judge."

"Clown, I'd keep it short if I were you…"

"Of course, Harvey. And so the grotesque, ugly, hideous, atr-"

"I'M WARNING YOU JOKER!" Harvey was at the end of his chair, his knuckles white from gripping the arm rests.

"Mr. Dent, please sit down!" the Doctor exclaimed. "If you had finished your paper maybe YOU would be up here reading it instead of him."

"Yes, Mr. Dent. Please let me finish." The Joker winked at him, which only made him angrier. "Jokeman went up to the man and said 'Why hello there, what seems to be troubling you?' 'Oh, nothing sir. I just am sick of this new guy called BATBOY. He's causing all sorts of trouble...'

"Jokeman new what he had to do.

"Jokeman went through the dirty allies of Frotham until he saw a huddled, annoying boy with a dirty face dressed as a bat. He went up to the boy, saying 'so, I hear you've been making trouble lately. Any reason why?'

"'Why, my girlfriend, Camela Piesley recently turned lesbian and now I just want someone to notice me."

He cleared his throat one more time dramatically.

"And so Jokeman killed Batboy and everyone was happy the end."

He took a gracious bow and walked over to his chair as everyone begrudgingly started clapping lightly, except for Harley who was over enthusiastic. Joker glanced over at the Doc who was staring in mixed horror and annoyance.

"That was… interesting Mr. Joker. And took up most of our time. Now, I want the rest of you to start working on your stories and get them ready by next meeting."

The group grumbled as it was being let out, person by person. Finally, when the door shut behind them, she collapsed.

A/N: I'm thinking of adding more "stories" from the other people. Yay/nay?

1. Itty bitty pencil-less Dark Knight reference.


End file.
